thrif•ted

Feb 16, ‘23

I've stained my upholstery and muddied my floors.

I've cracked my mug and shattered my phone.

This is why we can't have nice things

The buttons are falling off my coat, the zippers from my luggage.

My jewelry is tarnishing, my nails chipping.

This is why people have nice things.

fluf·fing, 9

"That shit goes so hard, it's like motorboating my dopamine receptors" Written about a bowl of cereal topped with granola. I met a man at a shoe store who smiled at me genially every time emerged from the back room, fetching another size for me to try on, knowing full well I wasn't buying a pair today. He told me the French are mostly dickheads but that I should try talking to strangers in cafés. Do romantic moments actually happen? Do people meet each other in public and just hit it off? Are romantic gestures as we're told about them actually romantic? Or are they rhetorical? Persuasive? We got drinks twice with the shoe store man. He said that recently some visiting Parisians had asked Toulousains if they have running water. I heard a podcast about how we're attracted to what we know, which means that if our childhood featured certain conditions, good or bad, we will naturally affix ourselves to people who exemplify them. Does Ben Aldridge have worship pastor energy, is that the connection? Toulouse is the 4th largest city in France, by the way. What's the word for addiction to malaise?

fluf·fing, 8

Manifesting:

• Unpanicked hospitality

• Confident humility

• Fulfilling diligence

• Curious and complete rest

It's jarring to realize how highly I value beauty as relative to worth, both my own and others'. Reductive, disappointing, enlightening?

Months later, I begin reading The Uncensored Picture of Dorian Gray, which touts the merit of beauty above all - at least I'm not alone in my vanity (or should I rephrase to "my perspective"?).