ir·​ri·​tat·​ing

I think it will be helpful for me to list the things that are irritating me tonight. They feel like fish swimming in a plastic bag, and my intention is to dump them into the cloud pond to give my brain a reprieve from their claustrophobia-inducing neurostimulations.

• I don't understand a project at work or the options with which it might be completed, and it's been going on for months, and I am not the right person for it, yet it continues to fall on me to carry forward.

• I am expected to be an internal marketing/content design whiz, but I sometimes feel really ill-equipped and under-skilled, which makes me spend more time tweaking visuals, which feels unproductive. The last two hours of work felt like me dragging around boxes and pictures with no knowledge of impactful design concepts.

• I got rave reviews from my manager today, but I can't seem to accept the compliments, and I feel like technical confusion in submitting mid-year reviews to our system was more (negatively) emotionally stimulating than the emphatic commendations I received. And that makes me feel petty, at which I'm irritated.

• I looked through pictures of a recent trip to New York and feel like there are no good pictures of me, which makes me feel funny-looking, which eats at me since I sometimes am caught in the lie that my looks are a central part of my value, which makes their demise my devaluation.

• I feel like I haven't worked out or stretched in months and months.

• I have so much food at my house and am scared that I'm going to waste it, which makes me feel like an asshole because of how many people are underfed.

• I think I spend more than I make right now, which is silly because I make much more than I used to.

• My down arrow key on this computer doesn't even work.

• I feel like I'm being a bad family member for how little I keep in touch with my family.

• My car is parked on the other side of Lakeview.

• There are two bikes currently being stored inside my studio apartment.

• I offered to drive to Michigan this weekend to visit friends, but now I feel bad retracting my offer, which I want to do because I realized how little money I have to spare and how sleepy I feel.

• My kitchen chairs are falling apart, and my pictures keep falling off my walls.

• I have to renew my car registration but can't because I need to get a new emissions test, but everything is open 9-5 which is when everyone, including me, is at work.

• I'm sometimes scared that my romantic partnership relies on physical closeness, which feels precarious and potentially unsustainable.

• My nails are grown out and chipped, but I can't remove them myself since they're gels.

• I haven't liked my hair since I got my hair cut weeks ago.

• I have to return something to Costco because it came with holes in it.

• I lost my edibles.

Ok now I'm going to do yoga.